Thursday, October 06, 2005
Jolllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!! I haven't written in this little thingy since almost last year!!!!!!!! Wow................................................................................................................................ Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.................... Alot has changed................................ But not that much.................... I think I will renew this thingy............................... Soon.........................................
. Jm3 . 2:26 AM |
+ + +
Monday, September 13, 2004
I'm in PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wish I can just disappear and be gone!!
Right this very moment I'm nowhere.
I dont know what to do with myself. I'm unconcious.
The days I breathe and the seconds I live, kills.
I cried enough, weaped enough.
I used to be strong, what happened?
Have I been asleep or have I not tried to wake?
The times I'm alone, I'm eager to slice, to hurt.
I dont want to be left alone.
I'm scared! Scared of being hurt!
By others and especially by me!
Have my existence helped?!
I made no one happy.
I made myself unhappy.
I brought tears and nothing else.
Tried to convince myself how worthy I am of living, but my minutes doesnt get any easier.
Pretended to be someone else while I'm with a crowd, I'm tired of hiding, tired of being scared at things.
At this age I'm suppose to be playing around, filled with joy.
Fact tells my life has never been a game to play. It's too dramatic.
I couldnt take. I should stop complaining, I really should.
But I'm too fucked up sensitive, little things gets to me easy.
As in right now, right this very moment, I just want to go home.
Home is all I need. Heaven or hell I fear no more.
God if you could grant me a wish, you could take me back if you're trully exist. I want this life no more. That's all I need.
. Jm3 . 3:41 AM |
+ + +
Thursday, September 02, 2004
A 28 year old pregnant woman, once was crying to herself, wondering where her husband might've been at the time. She looked at the wall where the clock hung still, it was almost midnight. Walking bare-foot back and forth to see if there's any sign of her husband walked by, she raised her right hand, reaching for the cup filled with fresh jasmine tea she made a minute ago.
This was not the first time she had to wait in concern for that man to come home. She's 8 months pregnant now, with worries and tears coming from her eyes, trying to remember how she ended up this way. Her husband wasn't always like this. He was trustworhy and kind, a true gentleman who would sacrifice himself for the sake of his family and others. They did meet not too long ago before they finally gotten engage then pursue marriage, but he was very mature, and she could not wait any longer for him to take her by his side and build what they've always wanted in life. Her family could not be anymore happier with the fact that their daughter, who were after all only a small town singer, was asked by a rich gentleman from a neighbour country for her hand in marriage. While his family was just happy he finally found someone before he gets too old to give them a grandchild. She was beautiful and that was all that matters to everybody.
The front door was slammed, she got up, started screaming. He was obviously drunk, trying to remember where he's standing, trying to gain concious to scream back. I couldn't remember what they were saying really because at the time I had no ability what so ever to hear things clear. All I remember was that the earth shook, then somehow I fell and felt a punch or something like that. I remember that one darkness before someone pulls me out to birth. I cried hard, I was feeling cold, I saw people dressed in weird costumes, I saw her, just her though, he I believe was not there. A minute after, I remember falling asleep in her arms. It was the most wonderful feeling ever, ever!
. Jm3 . 7:16 PM |
+ + +
Friday, July 09, 2004
Man, there's definetly sumthin wrong with my tag board which was provided by doneeh.com, hmmmmmm anyone knows what happened?! :/
Anywayyyyyys, my weeks been okay. No more crying until TODAY! It really sucked when you came home late at night, feeling tired from not sleeping for 2 days, had spent the day under the sun walking around for more than 12 hours riding coasters(he-he), forced to wake early in the morning for work after, walked several ave blocks to work vividly, came 15 minutes early, and 20 minutes after u waited your boss came to tell you that the place is closing.
My thoughts, "so, what now? Am I loosing my job? Is this just a temporary thing? How long will the place close? Should I try to get another job instead? WHY DIDNT U EVER FUCKIN LET ME KNOW IN ADVANCE SO I CAN BE PREPARREEEDDD FOR THIS KINDA THING?!!! I have bills to pay and fuckin meals to buy in order to live, talk, walk and breathe!!"
And my boss said, "Ugh, I really dont know. I'll give u a call, here's 60 dollars."
So then I walked out, cussed out heaven and earth, myself, and to him of course.
What a beautiful day I thought. *sighs*
Ps: I went to the listening party, it was awesome. I had a great time chit-chat'in with Carley, Johny Touch, and Ken. Six flags yesterday was great too altho I wasn't fully prepared for the day. I was half a sleep during the waiting, eating n stuff. Well, to be honest with u I haven't spent much time resting/sleeping for two days before. Sucked. But I had fun. NITRO was a blazt(like always! yesterday completed my 14th times
NITRO ride!) Man, I love that coaster!
. Jm3 . 1:50 PM |
+ + +
Wednesday, June 16, 2004
Slice.. Slice.. Slice.. Slice... Sliceeee..
I love this place!
It's my home..
But people told me, that if I want to achieve something better, I just have to take that big step, including leaving my home..
Can I?
Should I?
Arh..
*Jump girl, Jump!*
. Jm3 . 1:53 AM |
+ + +
Monday, June 14, 2004
*yaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn*
How long have I been slacking off? I thought I loved writing and telling stories and putting images on your bored minded net-aholic souls. But apparently I'm a little passionless lately. Hmmmmmm.
Anyways, I've been loving New York's weather. I know its supposedly spring still and that summer is coming soon with its hellish hotness, but I guess I wont complain. Instead, I'll savor every moments in life with gladness, joy, and love. Full of love. :D
I admit, that something has made me alot happier for the past week and to me this is precious since I dont get happy too often. Especially with whats goin on around, inside, outside me spiritually, physically, emotionally, mentally and whatever that's left. I cried to sleep at night, sweated in the morning, felt nervous, to the most disturbing harsh-heart-beat-pounding-whatever-feeling, I thought I was going crazy.
For so long I tried to heal, altho the pain is still there. I didnt know what to do. Days/weeks/months went by crazily, but my soul is still not whole! I did smile, I did laugh, to the minute it's done I felt like breaking my hands to cry out. Living is incomplete and I'm fighting against my own will.
It's better now definetly tho, or is it not? Hmmmm..
-"It's chronicle, the shadows under me. Sits on a bar, fits to a tar, Poisoness yet. A living sarcasm, complexing theory. How well would you try, to engage the born to lie. My tribal inspiration, had fault its sense."-
. Jm3 . 6:42 PM |
+ + +
Wednesday, June 09, 2004
Whhoooaaaahhhh, this Blog needs an update!!! Which reminds me, if u click on my Gallery page, I have little Icons there u can click to enter each albums. It's not too neat tho, yea whatever.
Anything new with me? Honestly, NO! Life's still the same ol shyt. Movie night is this weekend for Permias. But I'm not sure if I can go now since I have an audition to attend. We'll see.
Hey hey, I was invited to the Candiria listening party. Anyone wanna tag along?
. Jm3 . 4:49 PM |
+ + +
Thursday, June 03, 2004
Aaahh, new fresh color on my bloggie. No more hot pink for me.
J, "My young blood was cold and loose. Should I deny, and pray to keep me blessed?"
. Jm3 . 2:11 AM |
+ + +
Wednesday, June 02, 2004
Ha-ha, Candiria posted my photography(their northsix show) on their website! How happy!
Plus, I'm given the chance to get a photo pass on their upcoming shows. It means that, that that, oh I just feel so special already.
Geez, I LOVE this band! x)
K.G. LOST to freakin' L.A. Lakes yesterday. Now that's bad news!
We're going to have shity finals afterall.
But but, I do like Derek Fisher despite that team's suckiness.
Hmm, what do u think?
J, "Today, I climbed and clinged. I had to take my medicine."
. Jm3 . 4:09 AM |
+ + +
Wednesday, May 26, 2004
Psycho! Psycho! Psycho!
Why would someone grabbed other people's dead ciggarete from the dirty road? I thought he was just weird when he was watching me smoking my ciggie outside my work place. But then after I walked in, someone told me that soon after, he picked up that ciggarete bud and put it in his mouth! Hmmmpphh.. What a nasty feeling I got right after I found out.. Sick sick sick!
Btw, I just received a message from my dad that he's getting married this July 15th. And I'm not sure how to react to that. Should I be sad? Terrified? Scared? Abandoned? Paranoid? Or should I just let it be and wish for numerous happiness?
I dont feel like knowing anymore..
Quote - "And like that heart that got in the way. I'll become the lost cause. The child of burden and rage. Like the distance in your touch. Like the years we burned down. I heard that phone call. The hesitation, the ackward silence. I felt everything in those seconds. Splinters of sentence and heartless advice. Nothing's changed but these days entwined" Converge - Distance and Meaning
. Jm3 . 5:25 PM |
+ + +
