Monday, September 13, 2004
I'm in PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wish I can just disappear and be gone!!
Right this very moment I'm nowhere.
I dont know what to do with myself. I'm unconcious.
The days I breathe and the seconds I live, kills.
I cried enough, weaped enough.
I used to be strong, what happened?
Have I been asleep or have I not tried to wake?
The times I'm alone, I'm eager to slice, to hurt.
I dont want to be left alone.
I'm scared! Scared of being hurt!
By others and especially by me!
Have my existence helped?!
I made no one happy.
I made myself unhappy.
I brought tears and nothing else.
Tried to convince myself how worthy I am of living, but my minutes doesnt get any easier.
Pretended to be someone else while I'm with a crowd, I'm tired of hiding, tired of being scared at things.
At this age I'm suppose to be playing around, filled with joy.
Fact tells my life has never been a game to play. It's too dramatic.
I couldnt take. I should stop complaining, I really should.
But I'm too fucked up sensitive, little things gets to me easy.
As in right now, right this very moment, I just want to go home.
Home is all I need. Heaven or hell I fear no more.
God if you could grant me a wish, you could take me back if you're trully exist. I want this life no more. That's all I need.
. Jm3 . 3:41 AM |
+ + + Thursday, September 02, 2004
A 28 year old pregnant woman, once was crying to herself, wondering where her husband might've been at the time. She looked at the wall where the clock hung still, it was almost midnight. Walking bare-foot back and forth to see if there's any sign of her husband walked by, she raised her right hand, reaching for the cup filled with fresh jasmine tea she made a minute ago.
This was not the first time she had to wait in concern for that man to come home. She's 8 months pregnant now, with worries and tears coming from her eyes, trying to remember how she ended up this way. Her husband wasn't always like this. He was trustworhy and kind, a true gentleman who would sacrifice himself for the sake of his family and others. They did meet not too long ago before they finally gotten engage then pursue marriage, but he was very mature, and she could not wait any longer for him to take her by his side and build what they've always wanted in life. Her family could not be anymore happier with the fact that their daughter, who were after all only a small town singer, was asked by a rich gentleman from a neighbour country for her hand in marriage. While his family was just happy he finally found someone before he gets too old to give them a grandchild. She was beautiful and that was all that matters to everybody.
The front door was slammed, she got up, started screaming. He was obviously drunk, trying to remember where he's standing, trying to gain concious to scream back. I couldn't remember what they were saying really because at the time I had no ability what so ever to hear things clear. All I remember was that the earth shook, then somehow I fell and felt a punch or something like that. I remember that one darkness before someone pulls me out to birth. I cried hard, I was feeling cold, I saw people dressed in weird costumes, I saw her, just her though, he I believe was not there. A minute after, I remember falling asleep in her arms. It was the most wonderful feeling ever, ever!
. Jm3 . 7:16 PM |
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